What labor?
Part IV: Allana Joy
Here’s our situation: Heidi’s in the Jacuzzi trying to rest… she is completely spent. We have a baby that’s turned posterior. Heidi is off Pitocin and off the fetal monitor against the Dr’s request. She can’t go back, but doesn’t seem to have enough energy to continue.
While Heidi and I were alone, Nurse Darlene called the company that manufactured the fetal monitor. She discovered that using a “telemetry unit” (think wireless network for a fetal monitor) she could put the monitor on Heidi while she was in the Jacuzzi so we could honor the Dr’s recommendation and still stay in the tub. We could also put Heidi back on Pitocin, but allow her to labor in the Jacuzzi which would help lighten the labor, and possible ease some pain. She might also be able to rest better between contractions. This seemed like our best bet… since we couldn’t go back. We’d long since passed the point of no return.
Somewhere near this point, I stepped out to the waiting room to explain to our family and a few friends what was happening. (Later, I learned that Darlene had been giving them regular updates, and had helped out a great deal). It was hard to keep all that I was feeling in check as I explained where we were at. How tired Heidi was, that we were trying to compromise to accommodate the doctor’s recommendation. I was probably more tired than I realized. I asked them to pray. (They immediately called people all over the state to pray with us too). I went back to be with my girl.
As I explained the situation to Heidi, she said one of the most amazing things I’ve ever heard her say… especially when I could see the change that came over her as she said it. She looked at Amy & I and said “I’ll do whatever you ask me to do.” As she said that I felt her turn over her entire being, body, and soul to us. She let go of everything. I also saw, that she relaxed almost immediately. She didn’t gain more energy. She just was somehow able to release all that she had left inside.
We had to turn the baby. A posterior baby meant extra difficult labor… and we’d already had enough of that. It had to change if Heidi was going to make it through.
Amy had said what we need to do… but knew that Heidi would never do it. But this wasn’t a normal day. Nothing was normal today.
Heidi started by going through a series of position changes in the Jacuzzi, changing position with each contraction (or 2). Next she did was seemed impossible. We helped her out of the tub (she’s still wired to a fetal monitor and has multiple IV drips/ pumps tied to her) we take her outside the bathroom floor and put her face down on the floor. She helps us lift her legs up on to a “birthing ball” (think super-duty beach ball). With her face on her arms in a kind of “wheel barrow” position Amy begins to swing Heidi’s body back and forth on the ball. (Amy is holding Heidi’s legs up high, Heidi’s hips are on the ball) The hope is that using gravity to let the baby slide “up”, and then using other positions between times in the wheel barrow position, we might roll the baby over into the correct position. Heidi says 3 times is all she can do. She does 4 with a little coaxing from Amy. I felt after the 4th time that whatever needed to happen had happened. It was time to move on. ( As it turned out the baby had rolled over just as it needed to… but we couldn’t know that for sure at the time)
Heidi went back into the Jacuzzi and continued to move through positions with contractions. But after a short time she says “I think I’m having the urge to push” (good news! That’s her body’s signal that she is getting very close!!)
Nurse Darlene offers a choice, 1) continue in Jacuzzi and let Dr Peterson check for progress in a while. Or 2) She can check for progress right now. Heidi wants to know right now. (Amy, very cautious about what we might discover reminds Heidi that if she isn’t dilated as much as she hopes, the dilation is a poor measure of progress)
Heidi is at 9cms! She is totally exhausted, but for the first time in days she can see hope. Maybe there really is a baby, maybe this will happen after all. Nurse Darlene tells Heidi that she can push a little… but only very gentle pushes. Heidi is happy to oblige.
After a short time we move to a supported squat on the bed. (make the bed shaped like a chair with a shelf at the bottom. I sit behind her and she leans back against me in a squatting position.) Nurse Darlene says she things Heidi looks like a Buddha Goddess. As she sits peacefully beneath the spotlights that were just turned on and pointed at her. Heidi continues to make gentle pushes with each contraction… things have moved from despairingly slow to incredibly quick! With a contraction we hear a ripping popping sound… Heidi’s water finally broke. Only a little comes out, the baby is blocking it in. Amy gets mineral oil to help massage Heidi to reduce the chance of a severe tear. Almost immediately, she announces that she’s felt the baby’s head. Heidi is further along than anyone expected. Nurse Darlene warns that we’re probably about an hour away at this point… she’ll call the doctor when we progress just a little more. Amy insists that the baby is moving noticeably with each contraction. (I’m torn in two. I want to support Heidi right where I’m at… but I want to feel my baby!!!). After another contraction, Amy and I switch positions. I can see my baby’s head! I can feel my baby’s head!
Nurse Darlene takes a look… and runs for the phone. This baby is coming much faster than she expected. Heidi keeps her gentle pushes. Nurse Darlene makes an emergency call for a doctor (her first call to have Dr Peterson come seemed to go unnoticed) Instantly 5 people burst through the door. Everyone is talking at once. “What’s wrong!” “Nothing, I just called for Dr Peterson and nobody responded! Everything is alright.”
I’m watching my baby being born. The baby’s head comes out… purplish pink. I can’t see the face. The head is compressed into such a long shape that I’m instantly worried for her, though her coloring doesn’t seem too bad. (considering what she’s doing right now. I honestly saw images from the first “Alien” movie when I saw the shape of the head. )
Two hands in blue gloves reach past me. “I’m just going to help get the shoulder out.” I’m horrified that this person just grabbed my baby’s head and is twisting and pulling!!! (I don’t even know if it’s a boy or a girl, but obviously they’ll be paralyzed!!! It was difficult to hold my tongue) With a final push, (Heidi is being encouraged to push for real now!) our baby almost pours out. As the baby comes out, in the instant before it touches the bed, I see that we have a baby girl.
There’s a ½ second pause. I’m alone with my new little girl. She’s mine. I’m someone’s daddy. Its just the two of us.
She eases into a soggy cry. Arms come from everywhere. She’s wrapped up and moved toward Heidi. I’m lost in the crowd.
What an answer to prayer. She seems healthy (she’s still crying)… her whole body turns almost fluorescent pink when she cries. Heidi has her little girl on her chest. Nurse Darlene does a physical of the baby so fast that we didn’t realize it even happened until she mentions it an hour later. Someone tells all the nurses “don’t clamp the cord, they’ve requested that it stop pulsing first.” I move through the people to see my little girl on Heidi’s chest. Heidi is so tired… but now she’s alive. All her color is back. She’s awake. She’s smiling. She just ran the longest race… and won.
Someone asks permission to clamp the cord… “it’s stopped pulsing now.” “yes, that’s fine”. Moments later I’m directed to cut the cord…. The symbolic separation of child from mother. The final disconnect from the comfort of the womb. That’s my job I guess.
Heidi gazing at her little girl. The nurses have towels around the cord (now white as the blood has returned to the baby). Someone hands me surgical scissors and points to the area between the clamps. Someone warns me, “it’s pretty tough.” I’ve done a lot of dissections, I have a sense of what tissue like that might feel like. It is tough. I cut slowly for Heidi’s sister who is taking photos. More than anything, I just want to be holding my little girl with Heidi… I feel hints of envy. Heidi is bonding so deeply with the baby. This is what is supposed to happen. It’s exactly what we wanted. I want to bond too. (Later I got to spend a lot of time with her. It was (and is) wonderful to walk around with my little girl. I think I’m going to like her.
Somewhere in the middle of the confusion, Dr Peterson arrives. She’s not happy. Nurse Darlene asks “What do you need doctor?” “I need to be called on time!” I suspect that Dr Peterson thought that she was called late on purpose. She probably also believed that Nurse Darlene was responsible for our choice to not follow her directions. Heidi and I were only dimly aware of these things in the background. There was one thing that eclipsed everything else.
“What is her name” “She is Allana Joy. A-l-l-a-n-a.”
While Heidi and I were alone, Nurse Darlene called the company that manufactured the fetal monitor. She discovered that using a “telemetry unit” (think wireless network for a fetal monitor) she could put the monitor on Heidi while she was in the Jacuzzi so we could honor the Dr’s recommendation and still stay in the tub. We could also put Heidi back on Pitocin, but allow her to labor in the Jacuzzi which would help lighten the labor, and possible ease some pain. She might also be able to rest better between contractions. This seemed like our best bet… since we couldn’t go back. We’d long since passed the point of no return.
Somewhere near this point, I stepped out to the waiting room to explain to our family and a few friends what was happening. (Later, I learned that Darlene had been giving them regular updates, and had helped out a great deal). It was hard to keep all that I was feeling in check as I explained where we were at. How tired Heidi was, that we were trying to compromise to accommodate the doctor’s recommendation. I was probably more tired than I realized. I asked them to pray. (They immediately called people all over the state to pray with us too). I went back to be with my girl.
As I explained the situation to Heidi, she said one of the most amazing things I’ve ever heard her say… especially when I could see the change that came over her as she said it. She looked at Amy & I and said “I’ll do whatever you ask me to do.” As she said that I felt her turn over her entire being, body, and soul to us. She let go of everything. I also saw, that she relaxed almost immediately. She didn’t gain more energy. She just was somehow able to release all that she had left inside.
We had to turn the baby. A posterior baby meant extra difficult labor… and we’d already had enough of that. It had to change if Heidi was going to make it through.
Amy had said what we need to do… but knew that Heidi would never do it. But this wasn’t a normal day. Nothing was normal today.
Heidi started by going through a series of position changes in the Jacuzzi, changing position with each contraction (or 2). Next she did was seemed impossible. We helped her out of the tub (she’s still wired to a fetal monitor and has multiple IV drips/ pumps tied to her) we take her outside the bathroom floor and put her face down on the floor. She helps us lift her legs up on to a “birthing ball” (think super-duty beach ball). With her face on her arms in a kind of “wheel barrow” position Amy begins to swing Heidi’s body back and forth on the ball. (Amy is holding Heidi’s legs up high, Heidi’s hips are on the ball) The hope is that using gravity to let the baby slide “up”, and then using other positions between times in the wheel barrow position, we might roll the baby over into the correct position. Heidi says 3 times is all she can do. She does 4 with a little coaxing from Amy. I felt after the 4th time that whatever needed to happen had happened. It was time to move on. ( As it turned out the baby had rolled over just as it needed to… but we couldn’t know that for sure at the time)
Heidi went back into the Jacuzzi and continued to move through positions with contractions. But after a short time she says “I think I’m having the urge to push” (good news! That’s her body’s signal that she is getting very close!!)
Nurse Darlene offers a choice, 1) continue in Jacuzzi and let Dr Peterson check for progress in a while. Or 2) She can check for progress right now. Heidi wants to know right now. (Amy, very cautious about what we might discover reminds Heidi that if she isn’t dilated as much as she hopes, the dilation is a poor measure of progress)
Heidi is at 9cms! She is totally exhausted, but for the first time in days she can see hope. Maybe there really is a baby, maybe this will happen after all. Nurse Darlene tells Heidi that she can push a little… but only very gentle pushes. Heidi is happy to oblige.
After a short time we move to a supported squat on the bed. (make the bed shaped like a chair with a shelf at the bottom. I sit behind her and she leans back against me in a squatting position.) Nurse Darlene says she things Heidi looks like a Buddha Goddess. As she sits peacefully beneath the spotlights that were just turned on and pointed at her. Heidi continues to make gentle pushes with each contraction… things have moved from despairingly slow to incredibly quick! With a contraction we hear a ripping popping sound… Heidi’s water finally broke. Only a little comes out, the baby is blocking it in. Amy gets mineral oil to help massage Heidi to reduce the chance of a severe tear. Almost immediately, she announces that she’s felt the baby’s head. Heidi is further along than anyone expected. Nurse Darlene warns that we’re probably about an hour away at this point… she’ll call the doctor when we progress just a little more. Amy insists that the baby is moving noticeably with each contraction. (I’m torn in two. I want to support Heidi right where I’m at… but I want to feel my baby!!!). After another contraction, Amy and I switch positions. I can see my baby’s head! I can feel my baby’s head!
Nurse Darlene takes a look… and runs for the phone. This baby is coming much faster than she expected. Heidi keeps her gentle pushes. Nurse Darlene makes an emergency call for a doctor (her first call to have Dr Peterson come seemed to go unnoticed) Instantly 5 people burst through the door. Everyone is talking at once. “What’s wrong!” “Nothing, I just called for Dr Peterson and nobody responded! Everything is alright.”
I’m watching my baby being born. The baby’s head comes out… purplish pink. I can’t see the face. The head is compressed into such a long shape that I’m instantly worried for her, though her coloring doesn’t seem too bad. (considering what she’s doing right now. I honestly saw images from the first “Alien” movie when I saw the shape of the head. )
Two hands in blue gloves reach past me. “I’m just going to help get the shoulder out.” I’m horrified that this person just grabbed my baby’s head and is twisting and pulling!!! (I don’t even know if it’s a boy or a girl, but obviously they’ll be paralyzed!!! It was difficult to hold my tongue) With a final push, (Heidi is being encouraged to push for real now!) our baby almost pours out. As the baby comes out, in the instant before it touches the bed, I see that we have a baby girl.
There’s a ½ second pause. I’m alone with my new little girl. She’s mine. I’m someone’s daddy. Its just the two of us.
She eases into a soggy cry. Arms come from everywhere. She’s wrapped up and moved toward Heidi. I’m lost in the crowd.
What an answer to prayer. She seems healthy (she’s still crying)… her whole body turns almost fluorescent pink when she cries. Heidi has her little girl on her chest. Nurse Darlene does a physical of the baby so fast that we didn’t realize it even happened until she mentions it an hour later. Someone tells all the nurses “don’t clamp the cord, they’ve requested that it stop pulsing first.” I move through the people to see my little girl on Heidi’s chest. Heidi is so tired… but now she’s alive. All her color is back. She’s awake. She’s smiling. She just ran the longest race… and won.
Someone asks permission to clamp the cord… “it’s stopped pulsing now.” “yes, that’s fine”. Moments later I’m directed to cut the cord…. The symbolic separation of child from mother. The final disconnect from the comfort of the womb. That’s my job I guess.
Heidi gazing at her little girl. The nurses have towels around the cord (now white as the blood has returned to the baby). Someone hands me surgical scissors and points to the area between the clamps. Someone warns me, “it’s pretty tough.” I’ve done a lot of dissections, I have a sense of what tissue like that might feel like. It is tough. I cut slowly for Heidi’s sister who is taking photos. More than anything, I just want to be holding my little girl with Heidi… I feel hints of envy. Heidi is bonding so deeply with the baby. This is what is supposed to happen. It’s exactly what we wanted. I want to bond too. (Later I got to spend a lot of time with her. It was (and is) wonderful to walk around with my little girl. I think I’m going to like her.
Somewhere in the middle of the confusion, Dr Peterson arrives. She’s not happy. Nurse Darlene asks “What do you need doctor?” “I need to be called on time!” I suspect that Dr Peterson thought that she was called late on purpose. She probably also believed that Nurse Darlene was responsible for our choice to not follow her directions. Heidi and I were only dimly aware of these things in the background. There was one thing that eclipsed everything else.
“What is her name” “She is Allana Joy. A-l-l-a-n-a.”
Part III: Allana Joy
Nurse Kathleen starts Pitocin ~7pm. Brenda is New nurse for shift (Previously worked with Heidi in ICU) Heidi is now tied to the External Fetal Monitor. (two belts around her middle… one has a Doppler system for monitoring the baby’s heart rate. The other has a glorified button that measures her abdominal tension and thus roughly measures her contractions.) From this point on, it seemed that every single time, Heidi had a moment to rest… instantly someone was there trying to adjust the monitor. At times it felt like cruel and unusual punishment. A case where the cure just compounded the problem. ( I can’t fault the nurses… they were caring, and careful… but tied to rules. )
Contractions pick up quickly with Pitocin & and they become much more intense.
Dr Peterson told the nurses to titrate (increase dose) slowly… make changes on the hour at the most. (thank you).
*Our memory got fuzzy for a while here. It was intense, it was grueling, we were very tired. Heidi hoped to deliver on this shift with Brenda.
Heidi gets totally worn out: crisis #1. Dr Peterson says we need to either back off, or go much faster to get through… Heidi is wearing out. ~Midnight – 1:30am, Pitocin is backed way down so Heidi could rest. (She couldn’t do more… and they might have lead to a c-section) She actually dozed off for over an hour.
~3:30am Nurse Dawn took over ‘till 7am. Updated Dr. Peterson when she arrived for morning rounds. ~6:45am the Nurse expressed concerns about fetal heart decelerations (patterns where the babies hard slows over a period of time) Dr. Peterson did not consider them to be serious. (Thank you. Fetal heart decelerations are what doctors point at when they express the need to perform an emergent c-section)
Heidi was dilated to 4cm. (As I recall this was not taken as super-good news. It had been a long rough night and 2 cm more seemed like a paltry reward.)
7am, Thursday, May 19th Nurse Darlene comes on. She introduces herself and explains that she usually cares for patients that are doing natural childbirth. She is very encouraging. She says “I won’t talk about drugs, and I won’t talk about pain. It’s not because I don’t care.” She calls contractions “surges”… they are good. She says “We are going to have this baby today”. Darlene was very encouraging.
10am Contractions are becoming considerably stronger & close together. Heidi is questioning if this is the transition phase. (Transition is a difficult time in labor when contractions become extremely intense. The body is transitioning between “opening the door” of the cervix to pushing the baby out.)
Heidi is very uncomfortable. Darlene says “maybe we’ll have a lunchtime baby”
~2-3pm Heidi reached major crisis point. She is utterly exhausted and contractions are very strong. Quick ultrasound (portable, roll-in machine) by Dr. Peterson shows the baby is facing posterior… no wonder contractions are so back and both in Pelvis & Back! (Posterior: the baby is head down… but face is forward. This position means that intense labor does little to progress toward delivery)
Heidi feels she cannot tolerate this any longer – ranting she will do whatever it takes to be done… even an epidural, c-section. She is not coping at this point. This was a difficult time for both of us. I looked into Heidi’s eyes, but I couldn’t see my wife any more… she was gone. I was looking at a shell. Her skin was pasty, her eyes were dark and sunken. I felt like the decisions that were being made no-longer were about our desire for a natural birth… but about getting her through this alive… and getting our baby through this alive.
I knew Heidi couldn’t continue. Once again the choice was either medical interventions (she was tired enough that an epidural might not have helped her push any better. She didn’t have any margin, that would have meant a c-section surgery.) We decided that no-matter what we chose, it would start with letting her rest. Nurse Darlene called Dr. Peterson requesting to turn off Pitocin for a while so Heidi could rest and regroup. Dr Peterson said that it was NOT her recommendation. (She felt that Heidi was too tired and stopping would only prolong the situation and tire her even more).
We chose to take a break anyway. We asked the nurse to stop the Pitocin drip. We removed the monitor and put Heidi in the Jacuzzi. We turned out the lights and shooed everyone out of the room. I sat next to her on the bathroom floor. She was instantly asleep [not quite normal sleep. She would have responded if talked to.. but I don’t think she was really conscious either]. (She had been awake and dreaming between contractions already… she was no longer functioning at this point)
This was the first time since we started that I allowed my feelings to come to the surface. I sobbed on the edge of the tub in the dark. Heidi was asleep. Nobody else was around. This wasn’t what we had planned. I knew that delivering a baby would be tough… but this was like nothing I’d ever heard about… and it was nothing like what we planned. Here is my wife. The person that God has brought to me to complete what He made me to be… She has worked harder and endured more than anyone I’d ever known. I couldn’t fix anything. I couldn’t take her pain away. My only real choice was to tell her to keep going. To keep doing what she had been. To continue to endure more than she already had. I couldn’t tell her when it would be over, just that it would be… sometime. It didn’t seem fair to her. It was love, but not the way that I wanted love to feel. We were both very discouraged. I prayed a lot during these moments.
After about 15 minutes, Nurse Darlene comes in and I step out to talk to her. She’s been doing research and has found a possible compromise.
Contractions pick up quickly with Pitocin & and they become much more intense.
Dr Peterson told the nurses to titrate (increase dose) slowly… make changes on the hour at the most. (thank you).
*Our memory got fuzzy for a while here. It was intense, it was grueling, we were very tired. Heidi hoped to deliver on this shift with Brenda.
Heidi gets totally worn out: crisis #1. Dr Peterson says we need to either back off, or go much faster to get through… Heidi is wearing out. ~Midnight – 1:30am, Pitocin is backed way down so Heidi could rest. (She couldn’t do more… and they might have lead to a c-section) She actually dozed off for over an hour.
~3:30am Nurse Dawn took over ‘till 7am. Updated Dr. Peterson when she arrived for morning rounds. ~6:45am the Nurse expressed concerns about fetal heart decelerations (patterns where the babies hard slows over a period of time) Dr. Peterson did not consider them to be serious. (Thank you. Fetal heart decelerations are what doctors point at when they express the need to perform an emergent c-section)
Heidi was dilated to 4cm. (As I recall this was not taken as super-good news. It had been a long rough night and 2 cm more seemed like a paltry reward.)
7am, Thursday, May 19th Nurse Darlene comes on. She introduces herself and explains that she usually cares for patients that are doing natural childbirth. She is very encouraging. She says “I won’t talk about drugs, and I won’t talk about pain. It’s not because I don’t care.” She calls contractions “surges”… they are good. She says “We are going to have this baby today”. Darlene was very encouraging.
10am Contractions are becoming considerably stronger & close together. Heidi is questioning if this is the transition phase. (Transition is a difficult time in labor when contractions become extremely intense. The body is transitioning between “opening the door” of the cervix to pushing the baby out.)
Heidi is very uncomfortable. Darlene says “maybe we’ll have a lunchtime baby”
~2-3pm Heidi reached major crisis point. She is utterly exhausted and contractions are very strong. Quick ultrasound (portable, roll-in machine) by Dr. Peterson shows the baby is facing posterior… no wonder contractions are so back and both in Pelvis & Back! (Posterior: the baby is head down… but face is forward. This position means that intense labor does little to progress toward delivery)
Heidi feels she cannot tolerate this any longer – ranting she will do whatever it takes to be done… even an epidural, c-section. She is not coping at this point. This was a difficult time for both of us. I looked into Heidi’s eyes, but I couldn’t see my wife any more… she was gone. I was looking at a shell. Her skin was pasty, her eyes were dark and sunken. I felt like the decisions that were being made no-longer were about our desire for a natural birth… but about getting her through this alive… and getting our baby through this alive.
I knew Heidi couldn’t continue. Once again the choice was either medical interventions (she was tired enough that an epidural might not have helped her push any better. She didn’t have any margin, that would have meant a c-section surgery.) We decided that no-matter what we chose, it would start with letting her rest. Nurse Darlene called Dr. Peterson requesting to turn off Pitocin for a while so Heidi could rest and regroup. Dr Peterson said that it was NOT her recommendation. (She felt that Heidi was too tired and stopping would only prolong the situation and tire her even more).
We chose to take a break anyway. We asked the nurse to stop the Pitocin drip. We removed the monitor and put Heidi in the Jacuzzi. We turned out the lights and shooed everyone out of the room. I sat next to her on the bathroom floor. She was instantly asleep [not quite normal sleep. She would have responded if talked to.. but I don’t think she was really conscious either]. (She had been awake and dreaming between contractions already… she was no longer functioning at this point)
This was the first time since we started that I allowed my feelings to come to the surface. I sobbed on the edge of the tub in the dark. Heidi was asleep. Nobody else was around. This wasn’t what we had planned. I knew that delivering a baby would be tough… but this was like nothing I’d ever heard about… and it was nothing like what we planned. Here is my wife. The person that God has brought to me to complete what He made me to be… She has worked harder and endured more than anyone I’d ever known. I couldn’t fix anything. I couldn’t take her pain away. My only real choice was to tell her to keep going. To keep doing what she had been. To continue to endure more than she already had. I couldn’t tell her when it would be over, just that it would be… sometime. It didn’t seem fair to her. It was love, but not the way that I wanted love to feel. We were both very discouraged. I prayed a lot during these moments.
After about 15 minutes, Nurse Darlene comes in and I step out to talk to her. She’s been doing research and has found a possible compromise.
Part II: Allana Joy
**This is a somewhat sterile timeline beginning Tuesday and going about 1/2 through
please forgive the incorrect grammar and frequent mispelled words!
+++++++++++++++++
Tuesday May 17th
2pm ultrasound appt. w/ a guy tech.
1) he measured low amniotic fluid
2) he saw a very mature placenta
3) baby was ~ 35 wks size at 39 wks age.
3:15pm Meet with Dr Peterson. She wants to induce Heidi for the above listed reasons. We were pretty disappointed. Heidi cried, but we wanted to take care of our baby.
4:10pm Dr Peterson says to meet her at the Hospital before 6pm to induce.
4:25pm Stop at the Capitol to tell what we’re doing – Leave my motorcycle there at work. We called Grammy H and our Doula (Amy) on the way home.
4:47pm Arrive home to gather our things.
5:30pm Leave for hospital. More calls on the way.
5:55pm Standing at reception desk on 3rd floor of birthing center.
6:30pm Actually checked in and given a room.
7pm Dr Peterson gives Heidi Cervadil to “soften/ripen” her cervix to prepare for contractions (normally induced with Pitocin) on a planned induction.
11pm Heidi is experiencing her first small contractions. They continue and grow through the night. She didn’t sleep at all… but tried to dose between contractions. I slept ~30mins on concrete floor next to her & ~40 mins on the sofa bed-thing when I discovered it had wheels (so I could move it next to Heidi)
First night’s nurses: Nancy ‘til 7pm. Kacy ‘til 3am, and then Jessica ‘til 7am.
7am (Wednesday May 18, 2005) Jessica removed Cervadil. Contractions continue on their own. Then we began natural stimulation to help them continue and grow. (it worked very well)
Nurse: Kathleen 7am ‘til 7pm
*we were nervous about our next meeting with Dr Peterson… we got the impression she wanted to induce 1st thing in the morning.
8:45am Dr Peterson says Heidi is at 1-2 cm and 70% effaced. (we prayed that we would get another hour to progress). Dr Peterson said to the nurse “give it another hour (‘til 10am) or so & check progress again. Answered prayer… we didn’t talk to the doctor about what we hoped for, but those were the exact words she used.
Walked / Heidi leaned on me during contractions. Natural stimulation helped keep them coming very effectively.
10am Kathleen generously says “maybe 2.5 cm” to the doctor… which bought us more time without Pitocin. Dr. Peterson decides to “Let them be for the day” – over the phone.
We called Amy (our doula {Greek word for “coach”}) sometime after 10am. Her husband left work to come take care of their kids so she could come to the hospital. (thank you)
-She brought food (and a mocha for Daniel) Gatorade and protein powder for Heidi.
Later in the afternoon Heidi got in to the Jacuzzi tub in our room. Her sister washed her hair. She felt much better after being awake about 36 hrs now.
Late afternoon / evening contractions slow and almost stop. We are at another decision point. Prayer felt totally like talking to a wall. It was like everything ended (this was after a 2nd Jacuzzi dip * the warm water does tend to lighten and slow contractions) We’d except the cervadil, we’d been completely natural to this point.
Our option was to begin using Pitocin. Upside: control contractions & they would be stronger. Downside: Heidi must be on a fetal monitor while on Pitocin. Contractions are known to be more intense, and more painful. Usually Pitocin leads to an epidural… which could lead to a “failure to progress” and consequently an emergent c-section.
please forgive the incorrect grammar and frequent mispelled words!
+++++++++++++++++
Tuesday May 17th
2pm ultrasound appt. w/ a guy tech.
1) he measured low amniotic fluid
2) he saw a very mature placenta
3) baby was ~ 35 wks size at 39 wks age.
3:15pm Meet with Dr Peterson. She wants to induce Heidi for the above listed reasons. We were pretty disappointed. Heidi cried, but we wanted to take care of our baby.
4:10pm Dr Peterson says to meet her at the Hospital before 6pm to induce.
4:25pm Stop at the Capitol to tell what we’re doing – Leave my motorcycle there at work. We called Grammy H and our Doula (Amy) on the way home.
4:47pm Arrive home to gather our things.
5:30pm Leave for hospital. More calls on the way.
5:55pm Standing at reception desk on 3rd floor of birthing center.
6:30pm Actually checked in and given a room.
7pm Dr Peterson gives Heidi Cervadil to “soften/ripen” her cervix to prepare for contractions (normally induced with Pitocin) on a planned induction.
11pm Heidi is experiencing her first small contractions. They continue and grow through the night. She didn’t sleep at all… but tried to dose between contractions. I slept ~30mins on concrete floor next to her & ~40 mins on the sofa bed-thing when I discovered it had wheels (so I could move it next to Heidi)
First night’s nurses: Nancy ‘til 7pm. Kacy ‘til 3am, and then Jessica ‘til 7am.
7am (Wednesday May 18, 2005) Jessica removed Cervadil. Contractions continue on their own. Then we began natural stimulation to help them continue and grow. (it worked very well)
Nurse: Kathleen 7am ‘til 7pm
*we were nervous about our next meeting with Dr Peterson… we got the impression she wanted to induce 1st thing in the morning.
8:45am Dr Peterson says Heidi is at 1-2 cm and 70% effaced. (we prayed that we would get another hour to progress). Dr Peterson said to the nurse “give it another hour (‘til 10am) or so & check progress again. Answered prayer… we didn’t talk to the doctor about what we hoped for, but those were the exact words she used.
Walked / Heidi leaned on me during contractions. Natural stimulation helped keep them coming very effectively.
10am Kathleen generously says “maybe 2.5 cm” to the doctor… which bought us more time without Pitocin. Dr. Peterson decides to “Let them be for the day” – over the phone.
We called Amy (our doula {Greek word for “coach”}) sometime after 10am. Her husband left work to come take care of their kids so she could come to the hospital. (thank you)
-She brought food (and a mocha for Daniel) Gatorade and protein powder for Heidi.
Later in the afternoon Heidi got in to the Jacuzzi tub in our room. Her sister washed her hair. She felt much better after being awake about 36 hrs now.
Late afternoon / evening contractions slow and almost stop. We are at another decision point. Prayer felt totally like talking to a wall. It was like everything ended (this was after a 2nd Jacuzzi dip * the warm water does tend to lighten and slow contractions) We’d except the cervadil, we’d been completely natural to this point.
Our option was to begin using Pitocin. Upside: control contractions & they would be stronger. Downside: Heidi must be on a fetal monitor while on Pitocin. Contractions are known to be more intense, and more painful. Usually Pitocin leads to an epidural… which could lead to a “failure to progress” and consequently an emergent c-section.
Wednesday, May 25, 2005
Short note
As I spend more time with Allana, she becomes more real, and my new identity as a dad starts to feel a little more comfortable. Sleep has been in short supply. Allana had one night where she cried & fussed for about 2hrs (hours that our bodies told us were supposed to be sleeping hours). It also happened to be her first time having "real" milk... so her gastro-intestinal tract was doing its job for the first time ever. I'm sure she was feeling gurgly.
I will be continuing with her birth story... it has been pretty busy recently! (more so than I expected... and recovering has been harder than I expected. I'm perpetually tired.)
Thank you.
(Those are the words my heart keeps trying to express. The Lioness and I have been blessed far beyond anything we could have earned in people's generosity and helpfulness, in people caring that a new life has been formed.) I want to be a generous person. I want to be someone who's willing to share and to give.
Thanks,
The Great Red Lion
I will be continuing with her birth story... it has been pretty busy recently! (more so than I expected... and recovering has been harder than I expected. I'm perpetually tired.)
Thank you.
(Those are the words my heart keeps trying to express. The Lioness and I have been blessed far beyond anything we could have earned in people's generosity and helpfulness, in people caring that a new life has been formed.) I want to be a generous person. I want to be someone who's willing to share and to give.
Thanks,
The Great Red Lion
Monday, May 23, 2005
Part I: Allana Joy
Welcome to our world!
She came through a lot of difficulty. She came unexpectedly.... but she came gracefully, she arrived in peace, she brought beauty, she is healthy & happy. She takes after her mother in these ways.
The Lioness was super mom even before Allana was born. She endured more than a person should have to, and she did it out of love, and she did it peacefully.
Allana was born 5lb 5oz. She wasn't premature, just small.... which is why the doctor insisted that the Lioness be induced a week before her due date. What the doctor probably didn't expect was 48 hours of hard labor with >24 hours of it on pitocin. What nobody expected is that the Lioness would do all of it with no pain medication at all. "Lioness" is a suitable title.
Tuesday, May 17 was another beautiful pre-baby day! All my co-workers put together a very elegant baby shower for the Lioness and I. I was really amazed, I work with the most generous people. I was amazed at all that was put together, I took lots of pictures. I always feel so inadequate in my expressions of appreciation. It means so much to me when I see things like that. It is wonderful to know that people are excited with me about my baby. As the party closed, the Lioness reminded me of a doctor's appt. we had scheduled for ~2pm. So, we left my work for the doctor. That's when things started to twist from wonderful to unsettling.
We were there for a quick checkup ultrasound. The tech explained that he was measuring the amount of amiotic fluid... and that we were running a little low. He also measured the size of our baby (we only suspected that she was a girl at that point) and even though he didn't say anything, I could see the machine calculating her gestational age at least 3 weeks behind where she actually was. The only thing he mentioned was that the placenta was very "mature", it had done its job and might be providing less nutrients to our baby. He wanted to see if the doctor preferred to meet with us immediately instead of waiting for our appt the next day. Funny... she did want to meet with us. She reiterated in more detail what the ultrasound tech had expressed. It was brief. "This baby would do better out than in at this point." She wanted to induce labor. I wasn't worried. We'd have ~3 days to prepare (I don't know why I was thinking that). She would give the Lioness something to "soften her cervix"... to prepare her for labor. "Any questions?" "yes", I said "where will she be preparing for labor?" "At the hospital" hmm. "When will she be doing this?" Her answer changed everything. "Be at the hospital by 6pm."... It was 4pm.
She came through a lot of difficulty. She came unexpectedly.... but she came gracefully, she arrived in peace, she brought beauty, she is healthy & happy. She takes after her mother in these ways.
The Lioness was super mom even before Allana was born. She endured more than a person should have to, and she did it out of love, and she did it peacefully.
Allana was born 5lb 5oz. She wasn't premature, just small.... which is why the doctor insisted that the Lioness be induced a week before her due date. What the doctor probably didn't expect was 48 hours of hard labor with >24 hours of it on pitocin. What nobody expected is that the Lioness would do all of it with no pain medication at all. "Lioness" is a suitable title.
Tuesday, May 17 was another beautiful pre-baby day! All my co-workers put together a very elegant baby shower for the Lioness and I. I was really amazed, I work with the most generous people. I was amazed at all that was put together, I took lots of pictures. I always feel so inadequate in my expressions of appreciation. It means so much to me when I see things like that. It is wonderful to know that people are excited with me about my baby. As the party closed, the Lioness reminded me of a doctor's appt. we had scheduled for ~2pm. So, we left my work for the doctor. That's when things started to twist from wonderful to unsettling.
We were there for a quick checkup ultrasound. The tech explained that he was measuring the amount of amiotic fluid... and that we were running a little low. He also measured the size of our baby (we only suspected that she was a girl at that point) and even though he didn't say anything, I could see the machine calculating her gestational age at least 3 weeks behind where she actually was. The only thing he mentioned was that the placenta was very "mature", it had done its job and might be providing less nutrients to our baby. He wanted to see if the doctor preferred to meet with us immediately instead of waiting for our appt the next day. Funny... she did want to meet with us. She reiterated in more detail what the ultrasound tech had expressed. It was brief. "This baby would do better out than in at this point." She wanted to induce labor. I wasn't worried. We'd have ~3 days to prepare (I don't know why I was thinking that). She would give the Lioness something to "soften her cervix"... to prepare her for labor. "Any questions?" "yes", I said "where will she be preparing for labor?" "At the hospital" hmm. "When will she be doing this?" Her answer changed everything. "Be at the hospital by 6pm."... It was 4pm.
Monday, May 09, 2005
Images, Moments, Minutes
Tonight the lioness and I had a couple of friends over. A good friend of ours just bought a house across the street from ours. I got to loan my tools and a few minutes of time to help hook up a drier. Its a relief to have opportunities like that. Sometimes I worry that life will get so full of the "important" things that I won't have time to do anything that actually matters. Later, he came over to visit. It was fun to show off the changes to our house. Not everything is done. I still have tile to lay in the kitchen... but the house is beginning to come out of its "awkward" age and begin showing its true colors. Its exciting to see ideas come together and really look good.
Our baby is due in two weeks... so it really could come at almost anytime over the next four.
Right now everything seems to be a flurry of colors and motions.
Our baby is due in two weeks... so it really could come at almost anytime over the next four.
Right now everything seems to be a flurry of colors and motions.